Residents will be delighted to learn that, just when you thought you had memorised every possible route through the village, several roads have once again volunteered themselves for temporary closure.
From 17 August 2026, the following closures are scheduled:
Highfield Drive (Part) and Hilltop Close (Part)
Alpharod Ltd will be carrying out a new foul connection via excavation and associated works.
In simple terms, this means there will be holes.
Possibly cones.
Almost certainly a man looking thoughtfully into a trench whilst several others stand nearby discussing it.
Official documents:
- Notice: https://api-gb.one.network/downloads/tm/1142/notice-2_ca93718495.pdf
- Indicative Plan: https://api-gb.one.network/downloads/tm/1142/indicative-plan_150473297_4153748_1b71c6b1ab.pdf
- One.Network Details: https://one.network/?tm=GB150473297
Tanners Lane
Wessex Water Services will be carrying out sewer rehabilitation works using CIPP lining technology to reduce infiltration and help prevent flooding and pollution.
This is a highly sophisticated engineering process that sounds like something from a science-fiction film but is actually designed to keep unpleasant things flowing in the correct direction.
Again, there will be signs.
There will be barriers.
There will be at least one driver who approaches a large “ROAD CLOSED” sign and confidently asks, “Is the road closed?”
Official documents:
- Notice: https://api-gb.one.network/downloads/tm/1142/notice-2_2b45c44ab1.pdf
- Indicative Plan: https://api-gb.one.network/downloads/tm/1142/indicative-plan_150108719_4153690_18632e37ff.pdf
- One.Network Details: https://one.network/?tm=GB150108719
The Great Shrewton Diversion Challenge
As always, diversion routes will be in place.
These are carefully designed journeys that add just enough distance to make you wonder whether moving house would be quicker.
Some residents will discover exciting new routes through the countryside.
Others will accidentally visit villages they didn’t know existed.
A select few will emerge claiming they have found a secret shortcut and will then guard this information more carefully than the nuclear launch codes.
Plenty of Notice
The good news is that the closures do not start until 17 August, giving everyone plenty of time to plan ahead.
Of course, being realistic, most of us will completely forget about them until the very moment we encounter a road closure, at which point we will react as though this shocking development has occurred without warning and sometime during the previous seven minutes.
Some people will even say, “Why didn’t anyone tell us?”
Despite having read this article.
Possibly twice.
Please Be Patient
The inconvenience is temporary, and the works are necessary.
Modern life depends on functioning sewers, utility connections and roads, despite occasional evidence to the contrary.
The good news is that once the works are complete, we can all return to discussing potholes, parking, speeding, dog mess and roadworks in their normal proportions.
Until the next closure.
Which, if village history is any guide, is probably already being planned.
Safe travels, good luck, and remember: if your sat-nav starts suggesting routes through three counties and a sheep field, it may not actually be wrong.
We love reading these interpretations of the news. Please keep them coming.
A great humorous touch to “essential works”! And you are right that we will all have forgotten by the time of the closure which was er, em, August?